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Nov 12, 2024

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Old-Style Polish/Polonian Weddings

In the days of our 19th-century immigrant ancestors…

By Robert Strybel
Polish/Polonian Lifestyles Writer

If your immigrant ancestors came from old, rural Poland back in the mid-to-late 19th century or on into the early 20th, these are roughly the kind of wedding customs they would have been used to. Some PolAm elements have been added to show their stateside evolution. Perhaps some of these traditions might add a touch of authentic Old World flavor and variety to today’s largely over-commercialized wedding scene.

**PROPOSAL (OŚWIADCZYNY): Although scenarios vary, and nowadays there is quite a bit of improvisation,  traditionally the man would kneel on one knee before his lady love, take her hand as ask:  “Czy zostaniesz moją żoną?” (literally: Will you become my wife?) or “Czy wyjdziesz za mnie?” (Will you marry me?).  If her answer was “tak” (yes), further arrangements could proceed.

**ENGAGEMENT PARTY (ZARĘCZYNY): If the families of the future bride and groom did not know each other earlier, the engagement party was the occasion of their first encounter. It was usually attended by both sets of parents, the future bridal couple’s godparents, siblings and possibly other relatives and close friends.

**NOT SEEING THE BRIDE BEFORE CHURCH: Our immigrant ancestors had never heard that the groom mustn’t see the bride in her wedding gown until her dad gives her away at the altar. That Hollywood-movie-propelled custom has  now seeped into some of Poland’s “trendier” younger set.

***PARENTAL BLESSING: The groom to be and his parents arrive at the future bride’s family home on the morning of the wedding for the parental blessing. There the bridal couple kneels as each of the parents gives their blessing, sprinkles them with holy water and gives them a crucifix to kiss.” Then the whole party moves to church.

***LEAVING FOR CHURCH: Musicians or a single accordionist plays “Serdeczna Matko” as the wedding party leaves the home and heads for church. Older folk raised in the old Polonian neighborhoods fondly recall the image of a musician on the porch and the wedding party filing past.

***NUPTIAL: The future bride and groom enter church together and their right feet should cross its threshold simultaneously. “Serdeczna Matko” and “Ave Maria” are traditionally played and often sung by the organist or a female soprano. After the knot had been tied, the bride would briefly leave the groom to place a floral bouquet at the side altar devoted to the Blessed Virgin Mary.

***WELL-WISHING: A receiving line of well-wishers forms at the back of the church, in its vestibule or outside and the bride and groom receive best wishes and cut flowers from all present. A typical wish goes: “Wszystkiego najlepszego na nowej drodze życia!” (All the best on your new road through life!).

***BREAD & SALT WELCOME:  The newly weds are greeted at the entrance of the reception site with bread and salt which symbolizes – a wish that the new family will never go hungry. At times wine or vodka are included on the tray which the newly weds drink from a single glass. In Polish tradition the parents of the newly weds do the honors but in old Polonian tradition the bread & salt were often presented by the hired female cook in charge of the wedding feast.

***BITTER VODKA: Time and again during the banquet the guests begin chanting “gorzko, gorzko” (bitter, bitter), implying that the vodka has turned bitter and must be sweetened by the newlyweds kissing. In Polonia, guests are known to jangle their silverware against plates and glasses for the same purpose.

***FIRST DANCE: In Poland it is customary for the groom to dance the first dance of the wedding with his bride. At Polonian weddings, the bride often dances the first dance with her father. To mark that custom, years ago, Detroit polka musician John Chrzasz created the “Tatusiu waltz” (“Daddy’s Waltz”) which is now danced to by brides and their dads.

***DANCING WITH THE BRIDE: Some form of bridal fund-raiser has been practiced at Polish weddings for ages, during which male guests pay for the honor of dancing with the bride. In modern Poland, female guests also pay for the honor of dancing with the groom, and after it’s all over a contest takes place to see who raised more money “na kołyskę” (for the cradle). I

***BECAPPING/UNVEILING (OCZEPINY): Towards the end of the reception, the bride is seated, her female relatives and friends gather and her wedding wreath or veil are ceremonially replaced with a traditional matron’s cap (“czepek”). During this ritual, the oldest Polish song “Oj chmielu” (O Hops) was sung. At Polonian weddings, the veil-removal ceremony was often accompanied by the  “Dwanaście aniołów” (“Twelve Angels”) song.

***TILL THE LAST GUEST LEAVES: Polish bridal couples do not disappear at midnight but stay around until the last wedding guest leaves, even if that’s at the crack of dawn. That is to show their respect for those who may have traveled some distance to celebrate their big day with them and brought a gift to help them get started.

***WEDDING AFTERMATH (POPRAWINY): Since Polish people rarely skimp on such occasions, there is usually plenty of food and drink left over, so guests drop round the next day usually to the home of the bride’s parents for follow-up festivities. Musicians are on hand to provide more dance music. Years ago, the “poprawiny” could last more than just one day.